Yesterday

Yesterday was the due date of the first baby we miscarried 2 1/2 years ago. That baby would have been 2 years old now. Weird to think about. If I would not have miscarried that baby, I would not have Gabe nor Ava now. I was going to name that baby Gabe if it was a boy and Ava if the baby was a girl. We went on to have another miscarriage a few months later (we planned the same names again). A few months after that, we started the adoption process for Ava. We knew we wanted to adopt someday anyway and figured it would be a good time since I wasn't having another baby soon anyway. Well, right after we began the adoption process, we got pregnant with Gabe. So....we ended up getting our Gabe and our Ava both. Interesting how God works, isn't it?

Even though this has all worked out beautifully, I will still always feel a loss and longing for the two babies that are in heaven now. I have to share something so sweet about Brooke. She knew I was pregnant with the first baby that ended up miscarrying. She was 5 1/2 and was SO excited that we were having another baby. The baby would be due just a couple weeks after her sixth birthday. When we miscarried, she was absolutely devastated. She sobbed long and hard for that baby sister or brother. When I got pregnant a few months later, Chad and I didn't tell her. We figured we'd wait to see if we heard a heartbeat first. Well, we did hear a heartbeat and saw our precious baby on ultrasound, but there was something wrong. The heartbeat was too slow and our baby was too small. After an agonizing 3 weeks, this baby died too. It was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. Anyway, we were so relieved that Brooke didn't have to go through another loss since we never told her what was happening. Well...about a year ago I felt she was ready and I told her all about the 2nd baby that had died. I expected her to be upset and start crying. Instead, she got really excited and said, "Mom, do you know what this means? When I get to heaven, I will have TWO babies to meet!!!"